60 Funny Birthday Cards
Happy Birthday! I tried to bake you a cake but the fire department advised against it.
I planned a surprise party but forgot where I put it. Happy Birthday anyway!
Front: Your birthday present is inside this card. Inside: Sorry, it must have fallen out. Just like your dreams.
Breaking News: Local person celebrates another trip around the sun without major incident.
I was going to get you a sensible gift, but then I remembered who I was shopping for.
Happy Birthday! Your personality is like wifi – incredibly strong and sometimes irritating when I’m trying to sleep.
Research shows that people who celebrate birthdays tend to live longer. Just saying.
I got you a gift that matches your maturity level. It’s being delivered by the tooth fairy.
Front: For your special day… Inside: I googled “what to get someone who has everything” and it said “nothing.” So here we are.
Scientists have determined that birthdays are good for your health. People who have more birthdays live longer.
Happy Birthday! I would have baked you a cake, but I didn’t want the fire department to recognize my address again.
I was going to write something sentimental, but we both know you’re just here for the cake.
Your birthday inspired me to make a donation. I donated your name to a scientific study on the effects of cake consumption.
Front: On your birthday, remember that true friends don’t count years. Inside: They count chins.
Congratulations on successfully completing another orbit without falling off the planet!
Happy Birthday! I got you a book on patience. It should arrive in 4-6 weeks.
Front: I remembered your birthday! Inside: This is literally my only accomplishment this year.
Happy Birthday to someone whose Wi-Fi password is stronger than their personal boundaries.
I wanted to send you something unforgettable for your birthday, but sadly, I’m not allowed to mail myself.
Roses are red, violets are blue, cakes have calories, and now so do you.
Happy Birthday! Your secret is safe with me. I have no idea what it is, but I’m sure it’s embarrassing.
Your birthday outfit should be confidence and cake frosting. One is essential, and the other is just a bonus.
Front: For someone special on their birthday. Inside: The card company made me say that.
I was going to get you something awesome, but the pet store wouldn’t let me buy a dinosaur.
Just like fine wine, you’re not getting older; you’re just becoming more overpriced and judgy.
Happy Birthday! If we’re ever escaping zombies together, I promise to trip someone slower than you.
They say you can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends. Clearly, I made a questionable decision.
I bought you a present that reminded me of you: high-maintenance and expensive.
Happy Birthday! I’d climb mountains for you, but let’s be honest, I’d complain the entire time.
Front: I didn’t forget your birthday. Inside: I just chose to acknowledge it fashionably late.
I got you a gym membership for your birthday! Just kidding, it’s more cake.
Happy Birthday! Consider our friendship the gift that keeps on giving you unsolicited opinions.
I was going to write you an original birthday message, but plagiarism is easier. Happy whatever.
Front: This Birthday Card was selected especially for you. Inside: By me grabbing the first one I saw five minutes ago.
Research shows birthday calories don’t count for 24 hours. Science is amazing.
For your birthday, I got you nothing. You’re welcome for the storage space.
Happy Birthday! In dog years, you’d be dead.
Your birthday is the perfect reminder that at one point, you were naked, screaming, and someone was cutting your umbilical cord.
Front: For your special day… Inside: I almost put effort into this card.
Happy Birthday! Remember when we used to stay up past 10pm? Good times.
I wanted to say something nice about you on your birthday, but I have a strict policy against lying.
Happy Birthday! Your present will arrive when I win the lottery.
Front: I didn’t know what to get the person who has everything. Inside: So I got you this reminder that you’re one year closer to the end.
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show people who have more birthdays live longer.
Happy Birthday! I was going to bake you a cake, but I was afraid of the potential structural damage to your home.
Today is the perfect day to start lying about your age.
Front: I know the perfect gift for you. Inside: Unfortunately, Brad Pitt is still married.
Happy Birthday! I was going to get you a life, but the shipping costs were ridiculous.
I got you exactly what you asked for your birthday: absolutely nothing!
Front: Another year, another birthday. Inside: Your consistency is admirable.
