My morning routine: 1) Wake up. 2) Coffee. 3) Realize I’m still tired. 4) More coffee. 5) Achieve humanity.
Drinking coffee at 6 AM makes me feel like I’m in a secret club. A really tired, grumpy secret club.
I drink coffee for your protection.
Instant human: Just add coffee.
Everyone should believe in something. I believe I’ll have another coffee.
Coffee first, because adulting is hard when you can’t form complete sentences.
Morning vocabulary before coffee: grunts and mumbles. After coffee: Polysyllabic brilliance.
Coffee makes me feel like I can conquer the world. Or at least not strangle the next person who talks to me.
Sorry for what I said before I had my coffee. And during. And probably after too.
Morning coffee: because yelling at people before noon is frowned upon in most societies.
I can’t decide if I need a hug, a large coffee, six months of sleep, or two weeks on a deserted island. Coffee first, then I’ll decide.
I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just in a committed relationship.
If you see me without coffee, run. I have no idea what I’m capable of.
Forget tall, dark, and handsome. I prefer my coffee tall, dark, and caffeinated.
Coffee: Because rage isn’t a good morning strategy.
Morning coffee: because crack is frowned upon in the workplace.
I’m not a morning person, but with enough coffee, I can fake it.
I put coffee in my coffee while I wait for my coffee.
Life happens. Coffee helps.
My coffee needs coffee this morning.
The 8th Wonder of the World: Finding that last coffee pod when you thought you were out.
I can’t espresso how much my morning coffee means to me.
Coffee and morning hate each other, but they stay together for my sake.
It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee.
Coffee: The most important meal of the morning.
This morning’s forecast: 100% chance of coffee.
I’m sorry for the mean, awful, accurate things I said before my coffee kicked in.
Coffee: Because starting the day sober is overrated.
May your coffee be stronger than your toddler, your deadlines, and your excuses.
Coffee is the gasoline of life.
Proper coffee drinking etiquette: Wait for the coffee to cool down just enough so you don’t burn your tongue when you chug it.
I like my mornings like I like my coffee: I don’t like mornings, so I need a lot of coffee.
Coffee: Making mornings bearable since forever.
Good mornings start with coffee and silence.
My coffee says I’m awesome, and I believe everything before noon.
Today’s goal: Make it to the coffee pot without injuring myself or others.
I’m not functioning at full capacity until I’ve had my morning coffee transfusion.
I start every morning with optimism, but after coffee, I return to realism.
Coffee is my love language. If I make you coffee, you are special.
My morning mantra: Coffee now, world domination later.
If it wasn’t for coffee, no one would ever speak to me before noon.
Coffee doesn’t ask silly questions. Coffee understands.
Warning: Contents may cause sarcastic outbursts of productivity and excessive eye-rolling at morning people.
Morning coffee: Converting “leave me alone” into “good morning” since the dawn of civilization.
I don’t rise and shine. I caffeine and hope for the best.
Before coffee: growls at family. After coffee: Only slightly less growling.
My coffee and I are having a moment. I’ll deal with you later.
The best part of waking up is remembering that you bought coffee yesterday.
Coffee doesn’t solve problems, but neither does water or milk.
I measure my morning success in coffee spoons.
